Sometimes I sit back and I realize just how much more I could really be doing for God's kingdom. There is just such a need, I guess I selfishly feel good about my relationship with Him because I'm in Haiti. How ridiculous and fool is that? Obviously God is not any more pleased with my serving him here or if I was in America. The fact is, he wants me serving him daily, all day, any day, any time, and any where.... It's just a bit sad to think I thought God smiled upon me because I served here in Haiti, in a third world country, left my family, sleeping with gun shots out my window, bathe in cold water, eat rice every day.... OH! Exactly, that's the checklist, word for word, to have the Lord pleased with his servant, NOT! Since when did I lose focus of what really matters? What I'm called to do is to live for Christ, love His people and share the amazing news of our Saviour... If I'm just in Haiti to complete the list listed above I've failed God and He deserves so much more than my pitiful attempt to serve Him and satisfy myself and act as if He is getting the glory. He wants my heart, all of it, no matter what country I am in. And same goes for you, He wants your heart, no matter where you are.
There are things that hinder my relationship with Christ all the time. And as Beth Moore says in her Breaking Free study, an idol is any trade off for Christ. I have quite a few idols, all of which are conditional on certain things. Here in Haiti, facebook/email could take away from my quiet time so that I can communicate with my family and friends. One of my main idols is the desire to be loved, and to love. I have even settled in my 21 years for men who don't pursue me, or don't treat me like Christ treats the Church. God fights for me (Exodus 14:14) and does it with joy, why should I settle for anything less? I wouldn't want to manipulate myself into settling for "love" only to be disappointed in my marriage or to even manipulate a man by my words or actions so he'll be with me. I want a guy who wants to serve God both alone, and with me. And From the beginning I want to know that Christ is number one, I want to be respected, and for him to see me as a daughter of the King, and I don't want to settle. Relationships have been a hindrance in my relationship with Christ because I have been so focused on finding love, but I truly want to give this area to christ.- wholeheartedly. I want my future husband to be able to submit and seek Christ, so then, I should do them same.
When you are serving in a country with such devestation you often look at your life and question what you are doing right and what you are doing wrong. These 2 topics have really stuck out to me lately, so I pondered and now am writing about them. There are so many areas in my life that need improvement, thankfully, God is patient.
I won't lie, I am excited to get back to the states and live out more of this change, start school, get some tattoos, travel, dream, just live different. Life is so good here, but I want the challenge of keeping my relationship with Christ in the midst of constant distraction.
Psalm 63:3 "Your love is better than life." How sweet and true is that verse.... The love of God is so much greater than life. In 1 Corinthians 13, it is said that "if you do not have love, you have nothing." If your life is not full of love, both giving and recieving, please understand you aren't truly living. The benefits of loving is amazing. Loving your friends, family, strangers, and Christ is such a blessing. Yes, you may get hurt, but it won't hurt worse than never loving at all. Because to me, the worst pain in the world, is never being loved and never loving.
So, I challenge you all, love... and love wholeheartedly. Love your God, your family, your friends, love everyone, after all, It's what we are called to do.
I love you all.
Kendra
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